By Pol Arellano
I was on my way home when I passed a woman sitting on a battered suitcase in the middle of the road. She waved at me. I looked back and checked if there was someone else behind me.
There wasn’t.
I stopped and scratched my head. Twice.
I stared at the woman. She was wearing a red dress shorter than the hideous scar on her right leg. She had bright eyes, almost shining. Her curves were luscious.
My heart began to beat faster. She was staring right back at me.
Hi, mister.
Oh, her voice was so sexy.
Hi.
I said and twitched uncomfortably, hoping that she didn’t notice my bald spot.
I have nowhere to go.
She said, with pouted lips. She crossed her beautiful legs. I took a good old swig of my own warm saliva.
You could, you know
She slowly uncrossed her legs and bit her lower lip. A man walked by, she followed him with her gaze. The man took a right before Siping road and the woman fixed her gaze right back at me. I shivered.
.. invite me to live with you.
She flipped her hair, just like in the commercials. She smelled like the ocean in springtime.
I can’t, I mean, I can’t ‘cause
I fidgeted and stared at my leather shoes.
.. my wife, she’s,
Well, I have a wife.
She doesn’t have to know about me, Art.
She stood up and placed her hands around my neck.
I could be your little
She touched my belt and my hands were glued to my sides.
.. wonderful
She licked my cheek. I shivered and closed my eyes.
… sexy, little secret.
She whispered on my left ear. I touched her waist.
So I took her with me. Lila. That was her name.
She sang while we walked towards Siping road. Then she stopped singing.
Are we going to your barrio, Art?
She asked me as I tried to carry her battered suitcase in my left hand.
Uh yes. The barrio.
I said.
But what about your wife? Won’t she know about me?
She pouted and asked.
I’m leaving her anyways. She hates me. It’s okay.
I said, nearly stumbling on a protruding tree root.
No! I want to be your sexy little secret! Sexy little secret!
She shouted at my face. I stopped and stared at her in disbelief.
You want to be a secret? I’m planning to make you my new wife!
I said, momentarily dropping her suitcase.
No! I want to be your sexy little secret! Sexy little secret!
She shouted once more.
But where would you stay? Everyone knows everyone in the barrio. There are no secrets in the barrio.
I told her.
I want to live in your cave, Art.
She slowly said while conveniently showing me her cleavage.
My cave? What cave?
I asked, swallowing hard.
Your cave, the cold one. You know, the cave. I can live there. I can be your sexy little secret there. It will be so much fun, Art. Let me stay at your cave.
She pleaded with those cute pouted lips.
I don’t know what cave you’re talking about, Lila.
I said, perplexed.
Your cave! I can’t believe that you don’t know your own cave!
She exclaimed.
Well, I don’t.
I said truthfully.
Come on, I’ll show you where it is. I’m going to have so much fun there! Pick up my suitcase and let’s go.
She said.
I followed.
She went northward, to a path I’ve never seen before. I saw two identical dark caves.
Is that it?
I asked, pointing to one of the caves.
No, don’t be silly. That’s not a cave.
She said, rolling her shining eyes.
Oh.
I said.
Then we went down an unusual staircase in the middle of a plateau. She jumped down. She wasn’t wearing knickers.
Here we are, Art!
She said, smiling.
Oh.
I said.
This is my cave?
I asked.
Yes.
She said.
I’ll stay here. Stay here for the night, Art. I’ll make it worth your while.
She smiled and I thought that for the first time in 17 years, I finally agreed to a woman’s words. It was truly memorable.
And so I stayed.
She made it worth my while. Worth my every little while.
Then morning came.
As I gathered my tie and shoes and prepared to leave, Lila woke up.
She stretched sexily. Her curves looked so delicious.
Where are you going, mister?
Lila asked as she stood up, not bothering to cover herself up.
I’m going home. You know, to my wife. I need to.
I said.
Fine.
She said. She started to walk towards the cave exit. She opened her large suitcase and hurled out a green entity of some sort. That’s the best I could come up with – green entity.
I looked at her hands that are now covered in green goo. She held it like a piece of corn and started to take a large bite out of it.
I shuddered.
What, what are you looking at? Haven’t you ever seen someone eat before?
She asked, her mouth filled with green and black goo that seemed to be writhing uncontrollably within the boundaries of her quick tongue.
I haven’t seen anyone eat something like that before. What’s that you’re eating?
I queried with a scrunched-up nose.
It’s one of my sexy little secrets.
She said, licking two of her fingers at the same time and winking at me.
Oh.
I said.
Well, what are you waiting for? Off to the missus you go, then.
She said, turning her back at me.
I told her that I’ll be back.
I left.
That night, I left the barrio. Thinking that Lila couldn’t eat that green garbage for the rest of her life, I went ahead and bought her two loaves of bread, marmalade and some grapes. I walked towards “my” cave. No. I mean my cave. I guess it’s really mine after all.
Walking has never been this exciting.
As I neared, I heard music coming out of the cave. Loud music. It sounded like Hungarian folk music, if there’s ever such a thing.
I saw that there were rocks on the pathway to my cave. Big and small rocks formed an army of the most obedient kind, warding possible trespassers and door-to-door salesmen away. Lila must have been so damn bored.
I peered through the cave, almost positive that I would see Lila facedown on her unbelievably comfortable blanket, talking to herself, or hell, her bloody green garbage.
Of course, I was wrong.
Two nuns sat at the middle of the cave, playing a children’s clapping game. They were smiling from ear to ear and singing the game’s song with apparent glee. Lila looked on with amazement in her black eyes. I stood there for what seemed like half a lifetime before one of the nuns noticed me. She stopped clapping and singing and smiling. She stood up and went to the corner of the cave, like I was some sort of a party pooper. I wanted to climb back to the plateau and die there.
Don’t scare Fatia like that! Come over here and sit down! You’re scaring her! Lila exclaimed, obviously pissed at my ruining the nuns’ game and ending her amazement.
I didn’t know you have guests, I’m sorry. I said, feeling like I’m blushing like a newlywed. I looked down on the ground and wished that I peered inside after the game has been finished. I couldn’t see Lila’s face but I could feel a slight glare puncturing my beet-red nape.
There, there Fatia, don’t worry, he is Lila’s paramour. Don’t fret now, dear. The other nun soothingly caressed Fatia’s back, almost like she was comforting a virgin after her first encounter. She kissed her Fatia’s hands and looked at her face with seemingly immeasurable love. Or was it passion?
Fatia responded with a meek smile and stared back at the other nun’s face. She seemed momentarily unaware of her surroundings. And as if someone shouted loud at her left ear and her facial reaction changed dramatically and she looked at me with a silent fear in her eyes. Needless to say, I felt thoroughly embarrassed.
After a few minutes, the nuns started to curl up and talk in hushed tones, their faces so close to each other I wondered if they were kissing in between sentences.
Lila stayed in her side of the cave humming a made-up song.
What do you have there?
She asked me with a small smile.
Oh, some food. Real food. I thought you might get hungry.
I said.
She heaved a heavy sigh as if she was extremely exasperated. As she was about to comment, three bald men came to the cave. They were so quiet that not one of us noticed them approaching. The three men kept glancing at one another. It’s irritating to look at so I stared at the loaves of bread in my hands.
Ah, more guests! Come on in!
Lila exclaimed, brushing off imaginary dust from her dress.
The three men came in without so much as a smile. They positioned themselves in strategic points in the cave. They stood there like guards and continued to glance at one another. The second bald man stood near the nuns. He looked at them and glanced at the other bald men from time to time.
Lila started to hum again. I felt awkward.
The men started to dance. I felt scared.
The nuns started to kiss. I felt shocked.
I wanted to run.
But where to?
This is, after all, my cave.
My cold, creepy cave.
I sighed and started to reach for Lila’s green goo.
End
Pol Arellano 