Archive for March, 2009

McDunnit.
March 31, 2009

By Pol Arellano, 2009.

My cousin loves Mc Donald’s.

He said that if he were gay, he’d marry Rowald McDonald. But gay marriage isn’t allowed here, so they’d have to move to America. Rowald’s an American citizen. He can petition my cousin and they can live in California. But my cousin isn’t gay. He just loves Mc Donald’s.

We live in Molino, very near a Mc Donald’s. Everyday, after jogging, he goes in for a coffee and a pair of pancakes. He fancies one of the servers there, Monay, because she’s pretty and has a slight lisp. She gives my cousin a newspaper with his pancakes, even though it’s not allowed.

I guess she likes him too.

Everyday, my cousin would eat at McDonald’s. He’d jog there for breakfast, walk for lunch, and skip (although he denies it, I swear I saw him literally skip) for dinner.

As Mona’s aura became blooming, my cousin’s pants became tighter, skimpier.

Two months later, they became a couple.

Needless to say, they celebrated at McDonald’s.

Weeks passed and my cousin was beginning to bulge.

He has walking very short distances, even panting on his way to the restroom. His tummy was as large as the Mall of Asia, which used to be more along the lines of SM Molino. Monay, the dutiful girlfriend, asked him to watch his weight. He didn’t listen. He kept on gorging Big Macs and McNuggets and fries and chicken. He washed it all down with gallons of Coke and milk shake.

After only five months into the relationship, my cousin grew to be obese.

Monay’s contract with McDonald’s was terminated, after six months of hard work. But my cousin still insisted on meeting up at McDonald’s for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Monay didn’t want to. But my cousin, McDonald’s obsessed as he was, insisted. And so everyday, they’d meet there. Eat there. Monay was sick of McDonald’s food. She even barfed her Big Mac one time.

My cousin refused to talk to her for a week.

One day, my cousin didn’t go to McDonald’s. Monay came to me, crying. She said that my cousin had left the country. She said that Rowald McDonald petitioned my cousin, and they are now living together in California.

Oh well.

I guess my cousin’s gay after all.

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March 13, 2009

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